


Deserving

by Cdelphiki



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman and Robin (Comics), DCU
Genre: Angst, Damian is a little brat, Dick Grayson is a Good Brother, Dick loves him anyway, Gen, School
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 14:25:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14166837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cdelphiki/pseuds/Cdelphiki
Summary: Dick has been having a difficult time since Bruce's death.  Not only did he lose his second dad before he even turned 30, but he was suddenly saddled with being Batman and raising a prickly little 10 year old.  Some days he wonders if it's even worth it.  He is always quickly reminded that yes.  Yes, it is worth it.





	Deserving

Being responsible for a child was strange to Dick. He had been Damian's guardian for two months and was still coming to grips with reality. Was this how Bruce felt when he took him in? He wished the man were still alive so he could ask him. 

Did Bruce come to love Dick as quickly as he had Damian?

That was probably what frightened Dick the most. Not that he loved Damian, of course he loved the child. Damian was his brother. But it was the amount of affection he held for the kid that scared him. Damian had quickly become the most important thing in the world to him, and while he loved all his brothers, his and Damian's relationship was different from his and Tim's, or his and Jason's. 

When other people looked at Damian, they saw an assassin. And okay yeah, he was technically an assassin, but when Dick looked at his brother, he didn't see that side of the child. He saw a little boy, a little 10-year-old boy, who wanted nothing more than to be accepted. A child who wanted to be considered good and wanted to make his late father proud. He practically bled the need for approval from all those around him. The outside world saw a cocky little boy spoiled by his upbringing as one of the richest children on the planet. Dick saw a kid who hid behind an arrogant façade to shield himself from the rejection he expected from everyone with whom he interacted. It broke Dick's heart. 

The walls Damian had built around himself were difficult to penetrate. He kept his feelings inside, locked up tight, only expressing himself through anger and rage. He had no idea how to react to physical affection, so he responded the only way he knew how. Violently. Dick was determined to teach this angry little child how to be a child. He needed to know how to receive and give affection. If Dick were going to raise this kid, he was going to make damn sure he did not end up like Bruce had, completely repressed and emotionally constipated. He often wondered if his efforts were even worth it. If it was even working.

Probably the most difficult thing Dick had to do was keep his own temper in check. Damian seemed to do everything he could to press Dick's buttons, trying his best to get the man to lash out at him. It was as if Damian were just waiting for his brother to let him down, prove that he did not care for Damian as he claimed, and Dick was not going to give into the act. Bruce might have been easy to set off, with their arguments always leading to horrible screaming matches between the two where Bruce said some pretty reprehensible things, but Dick was never going to do that. Ever. He wouldn’t let Damian down.

That didn’t mean Damian wouldn’t try his best to hurt Dick. Or ‘Grayson,’ as the kid insisted. 

_“Don’t act like our parents’ deaths were the same. My father died an honorable death, which is not something you could understand. Your father was worthless gypsy scum who lived a meaningless life.”_ the child had said. 

His words were angry, filled with hurt. He was trying to defend himself from his own grief and cover his emotions by hurting Dick. His goal was to have Dick lash out at him, so he would have something to distract himself from the pain he felt from Bruce’s death. 

Dick knew this. He knew it all logically. His brain was screaming it at him, but the words still hurt him. 

_”Gypsy scum.”_

He called Damian an ungrateful brat in response and sent him off to bed without so much as a ‘good night.’ 

And yeah, it really wasn’t that bad, his words. He called the kid a brat, which he most certainly was. Tim called him ‘brat’ as his name most the time, so it wasn’t that big a deal, right? It’s not like he told the kid he hated him, or didn’t want him, or any of those things. 

Why did he feel so guilty?

He sat at the kitchen counter drinking a glass of scotch while flipping through Damian’s ‘home folder.’ Sometimes it was hard to remember Damian was only 10. He was a cute little 5th grader who had a home folder Dick had to check every day. It usually contained returned tests and artwork the child had done at school. Sometimes there was something to sign, a letter from the teacher, or a permission slip for a field trip. 

Dick shuffled through the dozen papers. Damian had aced all his tests, of course. He had never seen anything below an A in the kid’s folder. A sealed envelope with a ‘signature required’ note written on it caught his attention. Yep. Damian had been causing trouble again. Now the teacher was sealing the note, though? Had Damian not been bringing home the entirety of the teacher’s communications? 

Inside there were a few pieces of paper. The first was a note explaining that Damian’s in class attitude wasn’t improving, and he had lost out on recess. Again. That made Dick chuckle. As if Damian even cared if he could go play with the other kids. He probably spent recess sitting off to the side, anyway. 

The second was a picture Damian had drawn. A note stuck to it explained that the assignment had been to draw his family. Damian had simply drawn himself. It was a beautiful, very detailed sketch, but a sad one. He was alone. Damian felt alone, like he had no family, and it killed Dick. He wanted to hop up right that second, rush to the kid’s room and hug him. Tell him that he did have family, but instead he kept reading the note. 

_‘Mr. Grayson,’_ it said, _‘I understand Damian has been through a lot recently. He’s a difficult child, and I try to remind myself of that fact while interacting with him to explain why he’s so bristly. From our few meetings, I know you care about your brother deeply, but it appears Damian does not think you do. I have enclosed another flyer. I sent this home with the students a couple weeks ago, and I hope it got to you and you were already planning on attending. If you were not, I implore you, please do. I am in no position to tell you what to do, but I think it would benefit Damian greatly.’_

Dick frowned and looked at the final paper. It was a flyer for a parent’s day at the school. Tomorrow. Or rather, that day, since it was past midnight already. The original flyer had not made it to him. Damian had clearly intercepted it. 

He could remember parent’s day when he was a child. It was something only the lower school did, so he only had one of them, but it was a good day. He had spent the entire day with Bruce leading him around the school, introducing him to all his friends. Okay, showing him off to all his friends, and pointing out all his favorite things to do around the campus. It had similarly been not long after his own parents’ deaths, and Bruce had been apprehensive about attending, but Dick had insisted. 

Damian wouldn’t be so bold. Dick sighed. He needed to pay closer attention. Damian’s personality was closer to Bruce’s than his. He was never going to outright tell Dick what he wanted. He would never put himself forward if it meant he might get rejected or hurt. Dick needed to get better about reading between the lines with the kid and recognizing what it was he really wanted. 

Did he want Dick to attend parents day? He had no idea. He was going to, anyway. It began at 9am and it was currently 3am. He really needed to get some sleep. 

\---

He overslept. He had set his alarm for 6am, so he could eat breakfast with Damian, but he overslept. It was already 8:30 when he woke up, and Damian had been at school for an hour. 

“Shit,” he said to himself when he jumped out of bed. Being Batman was killing him. He never got enough sleep. 

He got dressed quickly in a nice shirt and slacks. He really wasn’t sure how he should be dressed for it. Bruce always wore a suit to everything, but Dick despised wearing suits. He’d rather wear a hoody and jeans. Business casual seemed like a good compromise. 

Even rushing, he ended up being 15 minutes late to Damian’s school. The kid was going to be pissed. Then again, he didn’t know Dick was coming. He probably didn’t care. 

It took Dick only a few minutes to find his little brother’s classroom and felt immediately awkward when he stepped through the door. Every eye turned to him. 

He ignored them all. 

“Terribly sorry I’m late, Ms. Wilson,” Dick said while he searched the classroom for his brother. The only child without an adult or two sitting next to him was Damian. And he hadn’t been looking up until Dick spoke. 

If one didn’t know the child, he would think Damian was indifferent to Dick’s presence at the event. Dick, however, did know the runt, and the way Damian lit up to seeing his brother was unmistakable. He sat up a bit straighter and his eyes twinkled with hidden pleasure. Dick couldn’t help but grin. 

“It is no problem at all, Mr. Grayson,” the teacher said kindly as Dick made his way over to Damian. 

Dick knelt down next to Damian and wrapped an arm around his brother. “Sorry I’m late, kiddo. Forgive me?” he whispered. 

Damian pursed his lips in the way he did when trying to hide amusement. “Unhand me and I will.” 

In response, he pulled Damian closer and gave him a quick peck on the side of the face before letting go and sitting on the empty chair next to the desk. He chuckled at the way Damian wiped off his face scowled at him for the affection. 

Dick spent the next couple hours watching Damian learn about math and science. There wasn’t much for ‘parents’ to do but watch or occasionally help their children with difficult concepts, but Damian needed no help. Instead Dick just watched and offered words of praise whenever Damian finished a task. 

At lunch, Dick learned that Damian brought his lunch out to the courtyard to eat. All alone. On the ground under a tree. He didn’t even know 5th graders were allowed to leave the dining room, but here they were. 

He sat next to Damian and began eating his own lunch while they looked out over the yard. There were a few other pairs of parents and students, but otherwise the area was deserted. The other grades were either on the playground or in class, and the upper school students weren’t allowed in this court yard. 

Dick tried to engage Damian in a conversation about school, but every question he asked was met with either a shrug or a short one worded answer. “What’s bothering you?” he finally asked after Damian shrugged at the third question in a row. 

With Damian, patience was a must. The child thought through his responses almost as much as Tim did, especially when the topic was difficult. Considering it took nearly a minute for Damian to finally answer, Dick knew whatever he was going to say was important. “I do not understand why you are here.” 

“Why I’m sitting here next to you at this very moment or how I came to be as a person? Because I don’t really want to have the birds and the bees conversation with you right now.” Dick grinned. 

Damian narrowed his eyes and scoffed, “Do not be deliberately dense, Grayson. Why did you come to my school today?”

“It’s Parents’ Day.” 

“Yes, but you are not my parent.” 

“I’m your guardian. My invitation was implied in the word ‘parent.’”

Damian frowned. “Why would you even wish to attend?”

“Are you kidding? I wouldn’t miss this for the world, kiddo.” Dick smiled brightly and gave Damian a quick half hug. He knew if he pushed it too much, he’d end up with an elbow to the stomach. 

Instead of attacking, Damian gave him a puzzled expression. “You are not angry with me?”

Dick returned the expression. “Should I be angry with you?”

The child nodded and fixed his gaze off into the distance. “I-“ he began, then stopped. 

Hoping the child would eventually continue, Dick sat quietly. Patiently. 

Damian’s voice was quiet. Small. Scared. “I called your father worthless gypsy scum, and implied you were the same.” 

Dick could see the tears in Damian’s eyes now. Hardly noticeable, barely there. With a blink, they were gone again, but Dick had seen them. “Do you really feel that way, Dami?” he asked quietly. 

The boy shook his head, then whispered, “No.” 

“Then I forgive you,” he said, his bright smile back. 

“Just like that?” Damian asked incredulously, “No punishment? No admonishment? Instant forgiveness?”

“Damian, I had forgiven you ten minutes after you said it. I would have done so faster, but I was quite upset in the moment. And just because I was angry and upset with you does not mean I stopped caring. I would have come here today regardless of whether I was upset with you because I care about you.”

“You called me an ungrateful brat.” 

“I know. I shouldn’t have let my anger get the best of me. I only hope you can forgive me.” Dick held his arms out, asking for a hug, but Damian shook his head. 

“I still don’t understand.” 

“Damian,” Dick said gently, “I love you. Very much. Nothing you do or say will ever change that.”

“Tt.” 

“Don’t ‘tt’ me it’s true, young man,” Dick joked. He knew Damian’s click was a sarcastic response, one he gave instead of rolling his eyes like a normal child. 

“But why,” Damian demanded. 

Why did Dick love him? How could a child ask such a question? To be bewildered by the mere concept that someone could love you- that your guardian could love you was heartbreaking. 

“Why do I love you?” Dick asked, confused. 

Damian nodded. 

“Do you not think you are deserving of my love?”

The child’s eyes glazed over, as they always did when disconnecting himself from his words. “I do not understand why you do. Both of Father’s other adopted sons hate me. Last night you agreed with their assessment of me. I do not understand your persistent presence in my life.”

Dick closed his eyes. Damian had associated being called a ‘brat’ with being unloved, and Dick had thrown that word at him without even a thought, then brushed it off as nothing when he felt guilty later. 

“Neither of them hate you,” Dick said forcefully, willing his words to penetrate those walls Damian had. He dragged Damian into a forced hug and held him tightly. “Jason and Tim both care about you very much.” He pulled on the child’s chin so their eyes met, “You are a great kid. You are gentle, caring, smart, loyal, have a huge heart, and are most importantly _good._ You are a great kid, and anyone who took the time to get to know the real you, not this little prickly façade you project, would love you just as much as I do. You deserve to be loved, and I just wish you would let yourself see that.” 

Damian broke eye contact and sat back into Dick’s chest, accepting the hug. Dick squeezed his eyes shut in attempt to quell the tears that were welling. He loved this little boy so much. So, so much. 

Dick might not be Damian’s father, but Damian was certainly his son. He felt a tinge of guilt in his gut for the thought, it was like he was stealing Damian from Bruce. This was how Bruce felt, wasn’t it? When he realized he was Dick’s dad. He’d have to have a chat with Alfred about it later. The elderly butler knew a thing or two about guardianship, after all. He probably knew exactly how Dick felt. 

The child in Dick’s arms shifted and sat up. He picked up his sandwich like nothing had happened and continued eating. “You are also acceptable, Grayson,” he said, between bites. 

Dick grinned. It wasn’t ‘I love you, too’ but Dick was sure it meant the same thing. 

This parent thing wasn’t so bad, after all.


End file.
